30 OVER 30: THE REAL
Recently Esquire Magazine printed a list of things a guy should never do over the age of 30. The list had stupid stuff on it like "play Hacky Sack" and "hang posters with tape."
Well, I’ve decided to publish – right here in the infamous Rinderpest Blog… (I still have no idea what "Rinderpest" means. Sounds like something you would find in the back of an exterminator's van.)
THE JAG ALLAN LIST OF 30 THINGS GUYS SHOULD NEVER DO OVER THE AGE OF 30. READY? GO.
1) Try to drink 100 beers in 24 hours.
2) Heat up a pile of Crank on a piece of tin foil and smoke it through the shaft of a Bic pen.
3) Try to pick up on girls wearing high school sports jackets like "Encino High Volleyball."
4) Go to Vegas for the weekend with less than a hundred dollars.
5) Consider the Sunny Delight you drank to activate your morning hit of acid a "nutritious breakfast."
6) Eat nothing but items off the dollar menu for weeks at a time.
7) Always pay the drive-through girl in change.
8) Tell everyone that you’ll be a millionaire by the time you’re 30.
9) Call your friends "bitches."
10) Wake up the morning after a party lying in the middle of the street.
11) Wake up in the morning and not know where you are.
12) Wake up and not know what day of the week it is.
13) Wake up and not know what month of the year it is.
14) Try to counterfeit money on a copy machine.
15) Try to copy your ass on a copy machine.
16) Wake and bake.
17) Arrange your day around making sure you’re home in time to take bong loads at exactly 4:20.
18) Arrange your day around making sure you’re home in time to watch Columbo.
19) Decide your life won’t be complete without a large pet snake.
20) Not know the name of the girl you just had sex with. (In the bathroom)
21) Snort aspirin.
22) Spray-paint your "street name" on the side of a building.
23) Dine and dash.
24) Consider it "safe sex" if you brought, but did not apply, the condom.
25) See how long you can hold your hand over an open flame.
26) Piss in the alley behind a bar.
27) Brag about being the one who tapped the keg.
28) Steal liquor bottles out of the drink cart on the airplane.
29) Brush your teeth with your finger.
30) Smell your clothes to see if they are clean enough to wear (again.)
and one to grow on..... (2-parter)
31-a) Use the greeting, "How's it hangin'?"
31-b) Respond to above greeting,"Hanging loose, full of juice."
Well, I’ve decided to publish – right here in the infamous Rinderpest Blog… (I still have no idea what "Rinderpest" means. Sounds like something you would find in the back of an exterminator's van.)
THE JAG ALLAN LIST OF 30 THINGS GUYS SHOULD NEVER DO OVER THE AGE OF 30. READY? GO.
1) Try to drink 100 beers in 24 hours.
2) Heat up a pile of Crank on a piece of tin foil and smoke it through the shaft of a Bic pen.
3) Try to pick up on girls wearing high school sports jackets like "Encino High Volleyball."
4) Go to Vegas for the weekend with less than a hundred dollars.
5) Consider the Sunny Delight you drank to activate your morning hit of acid a "nutritious breakfast."
6) Eat nothing but items off the dollar menu for weeks at a time.
7) Always pay the drive-through girl in change.
8) Tell everyone that you’ll be a millionaire by the time you’re 30.
9) Call your friends "bitches."
10) Wake up the morning after a party lying in the middle of the street.
11) Wake up in the morning and not know where you are.
12) Wake up and not know what day of the week it is.
13) Wake up and not know what month of the year it is.
14) Try to counterfeit money on a copy machine.
15) Try to copy your ass on a copy machine.
16) Wake and bake.
17) Arrange your day around making sure you’re home in time to take bong loads at exactly 4:20.
18) Arrange your day around making sure you’re home in time to watch Columbo.
19) Decide your life won’t be complete without a large pet snake.
20) Not know the name of the girl you just had sex with. (In the bathroom)
21) Snort aspirin.
22) Spray-paint your "street name" on the side of a building.
23) Dine and dash.
24) Consider it "safe sex" if you brought, but did not apply, the condom.
25) See how long you can hold your hand over an open flame.
26) Piss in the alley behind a bar.
27) Brag about being the one who tapped the keg.
28) Steal liquor bottles out of the drink cart on the airplane.
29) Brush your teeth with your finger.
30) Smell your clothes to see if they are clean enough to wear (again.)
and one to grow on..... (2-parter)
31-a) Use the greeting, "How's it hangin'?"
31-b) Respond to above greeting,"Hanging loose, full of juice."
1 Comments:
32) Participate in an a Jalapeno-eating contest.
33) Sleep on the sidewalk to get concert tickets.
34) Have a sticker of a kid pissing on something on any piece of property you own.
By Sam Ogden, at 7:42 AM
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