Blog Post Blockage
I was trying to think of something to post before the weekend, as I tend to reduce my computer time on Saturday and Sunday tremendously. In fact, if you see me on the Internet on the weekend, it's a safe bet that it's raining where I am, or that some of the better porn sites on the web are running free trials.
But nothing that seemed worthwhile was occurring to me, and I started to get a bit frustrated. Blog post writer's block, don'tcha know?
Then I happened to check today's headlines, and the fog lifted immediately. Turns out, actual news events, and the way they are portrayed in the media are great mental laxatives. They'll open up any blockage and flush the clog with the efficiency of a good . . . umm . . . blockage-opening, clog-flusher . . .
. . . Okay, so they're no good at simile blockage, but great for other types of blockage. All you have to do is take any headline, and add an off-the-wall remark after it.
Examples:
"Oil Smashes $75 Barrier" -- Oil promptly thanked spoiled consumers and SUV owners everywhere for the honor, and then gave a shout out to its mom, its grandmother who raised it, and mad props to Jesus. Later that night, oil was responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people all over the world.
"Star Trek Set for '08 Revival" -- Studio executives hinted that Shatner and Nimoy reported to make-up today to begin preparing for the film.
"Other Duke Stripper Speaks" -- I'm gonna get them Duke boys!
"Lawyer Drops Dead While Arguing Case" -- Jurors applauded what they believed to be well-rehearsed courtroom theatrics. When informed of the truth, they applauded louder and did the wave.
"Bush Apologizes for Hu Heckler" -- Bush admitted he simply wanted to hear Hu say, "Hey, I don't come down to where you work and knock the cock out of your mouth" in Chinese.
So you see, that's how I get past my writers block for my blog posts. Now I'm going to spend the weekend trying to get past my humor block.
But nothing that seemed worthwhile was occurring to me, and I started to get a bit frustrated. Blog post writer's block, don'tcha know?
Then I happened to check today's headlines, and the fog lifted immediately. Turns out, actual news events, and the way they are portrayed in the media are great mental laxatives. They'll open up any blockage and flush the clog with the efficiency of a good . . . umm . . . blockage-opening, clog-flusher . . .
. . . Okay, so they're no good at simile blockage, but great for other types of blockage. All you have to do is take any headline, and add an off-the-wall remark after it.
Examples:
"Oil Smashes $75 Barrier" -- Oil promptly thanked spoiled consumers and SUV owners everywhere for the honor, and then gave a shout out to its mom, its grandmother who raised it, and mad props to Jesus. Later that night, oil was responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people all over the world.
"Star Trek Set for '08 Revival" -- Studio executives hinted that Shatner and Nimoy reported to make-up today to begin preparing for the film.
"Other Duke Stripper Speaks" -- I'm gonna get them Duke boys!
"Lawyer Drops Dead While Arguing Case" -- Jurors applauded what they believed to be well-rehearsed courtroom theatrics. When informed of the truth, they applauded louder and did the wave.
"Bush Apologizes for Hu Heckler" -- Bush admitted he simply wanted to hear Hu say, "Hey, I don't come down to where you work and knock the cock out of your mouth" in Chinese.
So you see, that's how I get past my writers block for my blog posts. Now I'm going to spend the weekend trying to get past my humor block.
posted by Sam Ogden at
3:59 PM
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