PETA vs Six Flags

Seems PETA is upset with the folks at Six Flags.

For Halloween, Six Flags Great America is running a special cockroach eating promotion.

The park in Gurnee, Illinois, is joining other Six Flags parks in offering unlimited line-jumping privileges to anyone who eats a live Madagascar hissing cockroach. The bugs are up to three inches long . . .

Mmmm . . . . Three inch long, bacteria-laden cockroaches. A traditional Halloween staple if there ever was one. (Actually, now that I think about it, I know exactly what I'm going to put in the bags of all the little Trick-or-Treaters that come by my house this year. Mwahahahaha.)

Apparently all a visitor to a Six Flags park has to do is eat a Madagascar hissing cockroach, and he or she can hop to the front of any line. Now, I can't speak for you all, but I usually don't throw up until after I ride the rollercoaster or the tea cups, not before. Did Six Flags think they didn't have enough spew on the sidewalks? Or did they just happen to come into a surplus of that sawdust/powder stuff the elementary school janitor used to spread over an offending pile peristaltic discharge?

It's hard to say, but I don't foresee anything remotely refined coming from this promotion. But it's Halloween, and it's their promotion, so . . . Meh. What do I care?

And of course, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals haven't been in the news in a while, and saw this bit of Halloween fun as an opportunity to rekindle our hatred of them. As you no doubt expected, PETA is calling shenanigans on Six Flags for their cruel, murderous treatment of the cockroaches.

Says a spokeswoman for PETA:

"Cockroaches may get a bad rap, but these gentle, complex, sensitive animals do not deserve to be eaten alive, especially not for a gratuitous marketing gimmick. Given the proliferation of violence in today's society, it is imperative that we teach compassion for all living beings instead of publicly encouraging cruelty to and devaluation of animals. No animal should ever suffer or die in the name of entertainment," . . .

Well, cockroaches may not deserve to be eaten alive, but I'm beginning to think PETA members do. And I hasten to add that it would be fabulously entertaining. Unfortunately, PETA members are not as nutritious as cockroaches. They are not fat free like the cockroach. Plus they contain dangerously high levels of self-righteousness, and their blatant hypocrisy, as delicious as it may be, always goes right to my thighs.

But hell, if it meant getting to ride the Zipper without waiting in a line, I'd scarf down a couple of PETA members, without hesitation. And the cockroaches could ride in the seat next to me. I'm sure they'd be better company anyway.