Partying Like A Rock Star

Are you like me? Have you noticed a distinct rise in the number of people who are partying like rock stars?

It seems like everyone is partying like a rock star these days. My friends tell me all the time when I ask what they did the night before.

"Oh, man. It was crazy. We partied like rock stars."

Or sometimes they even plan it out beforehand.

"Man, we're going to Vegas this weekend, and we're going to party like rock stars."

Now when I first started hearing this claim, I thought, well hell, that's pretty cool. Folks are having a good time, debauchery is running rampant as it should be, and wanton fornication is finally recovering from centuries of puritanical oppression. But then recently, a few buddies of mine and I went out on a random Saturday night, and while we were having lunch the following day, one of my buddies was asked by the waiter what we'd done the night before. His response was, "We partied like rock stars."

And of course I thought, "Uhhh . . . No we didn't." I mean, we went to some bars, and got a pretty good heat going. We might have danced, and chased after some loose women. We might have even caused a little bit of a disturbance with other patrons and club management. But is that really partying like a rock star?

There were no nameless groupies that we used and then handed off to the roadies, or tossed out of the limo while driving down the turnpike. No one ate a handful of pills, or chugged a bottle of Jack Daniel's, or overdosed and had to be rushed to the hospital. As far as I can recall, no farm animals were ever in any danger. There was no cocaine being snorted off a stripper's ass while she fellated the drummer. We didn't destroy a hotel room, set fire to any public property, or expel any bodily fluids on a historical monument or government building. We weren't arrested and booked, nor did we die by drowning on our own vomit.

We didn't do any of those things.

So how could my buddy, in good conscience, say we partied like rock stars? How could any of the hundreds of regular people I hear saying the same thing even make that claim?

Hey, I shot hoops in the driveway with my nephew over Christmas, but afterward, I didn't go around telling people I was balling like A.I. or Dwyane Wade. Last night I made some Cajun spaghetti, but you know, I wasn't cooking like Paul Prudhomme. The fact that I used Prego sauce should be a clue.

Folks, let's not dilute rock star's partying prowess by including our own feeble adventures under the same umbrella. Rock stars are sensitive, vulnerable people, but they work hard to maintain a lifestyle that would kill most of us. We must respect them for that. We can aspire to party like them, but don't claim to have partied like a rock star unless you have actually partied like a rock star.