Late Night Eatery of the Month (April 2007)
It's common practice among members of the drinking public to hasten to the nearest eatery once the bars close. After all, the palette has been cleansed, and in fact flushed, all evening with a variety of liquors, beers, and wines, or any combination thereof. And it becomes imperative that the drinker take sustenance before either heading to a friend's house for more drinking, or going to bed to revel in the disco nap of restless, drunken sleep.
In my drive to be the boon companion of the itinerant drinker, I regularly visit the best and the worst of the late night eateries, and it's my mission to provide you each month with the particulars of each.
Some you will know by name. Some are obscure and out of the way. But with my recommendations, you will always know just where to stagger off to for good, sloppy power grub.
Rinderpest.com's late night eatery of the month:
Denny's
Location:
Next to La Quinta
Hours of operation:
24/7
Ambiance:
Motel chic. You're not that far from a real restaurant, but you're not that far from a truck stop either. Perfect for both the weary traveler and the dry-heaving barfly.
Seating:
Traditional table seating with option for postwar booth or counter seating.
Attire:
Recommended
Staff:
Shod, for the most part. Rumpled, with a distinct hint of body odor at shift change. Instances of hairnets are below average, though instances of harelips are above average.
Price:
Double-wide affordable. Go ahead and have that extra shooter at the bar. No need to sell blood plasma this week.
Fare:
For the power drinker mere minutes removed from last call, the menu features traditional breakfast items, such as eggs, pancakes, bacon, and toast, though each is presented by the chef using clever, registered trademark names like the Lumberjack Slam® and the ever popular Moons Over My Hammy®. These items are well suited for any partier in need of some heavy fuel, and the names have been known to cause giddy laughter among the more "naturally" buzzed.
For the more discerning patron, there are also a variety of dinner and lunch items, many of which feature fried potatoes, fried meat substances, and lots of butter and/or drippy cream gravy.
The seasoned after-hours eater will recognize the benefit of mixing one or more of the breakfast items with a portion or two of drippy cream gravy, or possibly smothered in chili that is best when festooned with a shredded cheese product that no doubt comes from an industrial-sized plastic bag.
Dessert:
Variety of pie wedges, cakes, as well as Jell-O and pudding type dishes. Pretty much anything Luby's throws out of its dessert case.
Also a display of mints, and a gumball machine await the adventurous diner, and toothpicks are provided, but are available for paying customers only.
Beverages:
Variety, including ice water, ice tea-colored water, soda, coffee-flavored drink, and . . . water.
After dinner cigarette:
Any American light cigarette with a filter is perfect to complement the food's heady aftertaste. Marlboro Lights or Camel Lights recommended.
*Greasy rating:
3 spoons
*Greasy rating based on a scale of 5 spoons, five being the best . . . or the worst, depending on your point of view.
In my drive to be the boon companion of the itinerant drinker, I regularly visit the best and the worst of the late night eateries, and it's my mission to provide you each month with the particulars of each.
Some you will know by name. Some are obscure and out of the way. But with my recommendations, you will always know just where to stagger off to for good, sloppy power grub.
Rinderpest.com's late night eatery of the month:
Denny's
Location:
Next to La Quinta
Hours of operation:
24/7
Ambiance:
Motel chic. You're not that far from a real restaurant, but you're not that far from a truck stop either. Perfect for both the weary traveler and the dry-heaving barfly.
Seating:
Traditional table seating with option for postwar booth or counter seating.
Attire:
Recommended
Staff:
Shod, for the most part. Rumpled, with a distinct hint of body odor at shift change. Instances of hairnets are below average, though instances of harelips are above average.
Price:
Double-wide affordable. Go ahead and have that extra shooter at the bar. No need to sell blood plasma this week.
Fare:
For the power drinker mere minutes removed from last call, the menu features traditional breakfast items, such as eggs, pancakes, bacon, and toast, though each is presented by the chef using clever, registered trademark names like the Lumberjack Slam® and the ever popular Moons Over My Hammy®. These items are well suited for any partier in need of some heavy fuel, and the names have been known to cause giddy laughter among the more "naturally" buzzed.
For the more discerning patron, there are also a variety of dinner and lunch items, many of which feature fried potatoes, fried meat substances, and lots of butter and/or drippy cream gravy.
The seasoned after-hours eater will recognize the benefit of mixing one or more of the breakfast items with a portion or two of drippy cream gravy, or possibly smothered in chili that is best when festooned with a shredded cheese product that no doubt comes from an industrial-sized plastic bag.
Dessert:
Variety of pie wedges, cakes, as well as Jell-O and pudding type dishes. Pretty much anything Luby's throws out of its dessert case.
Also a display of mints, and a gumball machine await the adventurous diner, and toothpicks are provided, but are available for paying customers only.
Beverages:
Variety, including ice water, ice tea-colored water, soda, coffee-flavored drink, and . . . water.
After dinner cigarette:
Any American light cigarette with a filter is perfect to complement the food's heady aftertaste. Marlboro Lights or Camel Lights recommended.
*Greasy rating:
3 spoons
*Greasy rating based on a scale of 5 spoons, five being the best . . . or the worst, depending on your point of view.
posted by Sam Ogden at
2:13 PM
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