Late Night Eatery of the Month (June 2007)

It's common practice among members of the drinking public to hasten to the nearest eatery once the bars close. After all, the palette has been cleansed, and in fact flushed, all evening with a variety of liquors, beers, and wines, or any combination thereof. And it becomes imperative that the drinker take sustenance before either heading to a friend's house for more drinking, or going to bed to revel in the disco nap of restless, drunken sleep.

In my drive to be the boon companion of the itinerant drinker, I regularly visit the best and the worst of the late night eateries, and it's my mission to provide you each month with the particulars of each.

Some you will know by name. Some are obscure and out of the way. But with my recommendations, you will always know just where to stagger off to for good, sloppy power grub.


Rinderpest.com's late night eatery of the month:

Mama's Cafe

Location:

Out in the freaking suburbs, near a planned community.

Hours of operation:

24/7

Ambiance:

Sterile. So clean it's creepy. Either an ammonia plant blew up nearby, or they use too much bleach --- on everything. The harsh white lights and chemical smell can be an affront to urban creatures of the night, or it can actually provide a bit of snap for those who might have to drive back into the city to get home.

Seating:

A diner style counter, featuring padded stools of stainless steel and red Naugahyde. Also, traditional booth and table seating featuring chairs with four even legs.

Attire:

Rarely a concern. One feels guilty entering in even a dirty T-shirt.

Staff:

Friendly, but in a Stepford sort of way. Hairnets one and all and matching red uniforms. If not for loud Spanish conversation and music issuing from the kitchen, one might believe the place was manned by robots.

Price:

Two or three notches above cheap. Seems suburbanites are willing to pay a lot more to fill the void late at night. Avoid the good whiskey while at the bar, you'll need a little extra to be able to afford the special.

Fare:

There are a few dishes for which the discerning drinker is looking. Cheese. Chili with beans. Eggs prepared any way you want and served on bright white plates with bacon, ham, or sausage, along with English muffins or toast and garnishes the late night partier isn't used to seeing and doesn't really want, like a an orange slice or parsley. Also, some dishes come with a side of grits. Though surprisingly bland, many buzzed patrons are seen wolfing the grits down.

Other less-than-extraordinary dishes also grace the menu. Meatloaf, stroganoff, and various casseroles are available, but no one seems to know why.

The veteran after-hours alcoholic may want to sneak in a bottle of vodka, because orange juice comes in large glasses; something unusual in most diner-esque places, and killer Screw Drivers can keep the party going.

Dessert:

Ice cream concoctions, sundaes, and pies. The pies even have a cool rotating display case.

Also a display of mints, Mama's own brownies and fudge, and a gumball machine await the real sugar jockeys.

Toothpicks are provided, but are available for paying customers only.

Beverages:

Variety, including ice water, ice tea, soda, lemonade, milk shakes, hot tea, coffee.

After dinner cigarette:

Smoking is not allowed, unless you step outside. Once there, any packaged cigarette will do. Nothing can remove the taste of chemicals from the back of your mouth anyway. . . . Maybe a cigar.

*Greasy rating:

1 spoon


*Greasy rating based on a scale of 5 spoons, five being the best . . . or the worst, depending on your point of view.