Late Night Eatery of the Month (July 2007)

It's common practice among members of the drinking public to hasten to the nearest eatery once the bars close. After all, the palette has been cleansed, and in fact flushed, all evening with a variety of liquors, beers, and wines, or any combination thereof. And it becomes imperative that the drinker take sustenance before either heading to a friend's house for more drinking, or going to bed to revel in the disco nap of restless, drunken sleep.

In my drive to be the boon companion of the itinerant drinker, I regularly visit the best and the worst of the late night eateries, and it's my mission to provide you each month with the particulars of each.

Some you will know by name. Some are obscure and out of the way. But with my recommendations, you will always know just where to stagger off to for good, sloppy power grub.


Rinderpest.com's late night eatery of the month:

IHOP (International House of Pancakes)

Location:

Various points along the freeway access road. Often near a Hooters.

Hours of operation:

24/7

Ambiance:

Geeky-hipster, white bread middle America, and sticky. Since IHOP is a big chain, the atmosphere inside is fairly uniform from store to store. The lighting is muted somewhat, so as not to offend the more sensitive creatures of the night, even though there are night creatures of all types that frequent the IHOP. Also, there's a lot of blue stuff, including blue coffee pots and blue syrup dispenser tops.

Seating:

Restaurant-style tables with chairs. Also, traditional booth seating.

Attire:

No shirt, no shoes, no short stack. Better not look like you live under a bridge, or you won't set foot in the IHOP. The IHOP corporation works hard to maintain its high international standards. Besides, no sane person would want to set his or her bare feet on that floor anyway.

Staff:

Saucy, surly, and often seemingly confused. Irritated and cursing a blue streak in the kitchen; the languages vary. Mostly clean with hairnets; again, all that sticky syrup.

Price:

Thursday night affordable. The dishes can be a little more expensive than say your local taqueria, so it's perfect for a Thursday night after the sports bar. The discerning late night eater may think twice about a visit on the more cash intensive party nights, like Saturday. Still, just stick with the drink specials while you're at the bar and you'll be fine.

Fare:

There are many wonderful dishes for which the discerning drinker is looking. Eggs are prepared any way a barfly could want, including in omelet form with many exotic toppings, like ham. Also, many dishes are smothered in cheese, which always delights the late night eater. Cheese = delicious.

And of course everything comes with pancakes. If you order waffles at the IHOP, you get a side of pancakes.

Syrup comes in several flavors, all of which are represented right on the table. Flavors like boysenberry and maple tempt diners to sampling them, both as condiments poured onto their pancakes and as beverages poured directly into their mouths on a drunken dare.

Dessert:

For those patrons who haven't developed diabetes from all the sugar already, a display of mints and a gumball machine give the after dinner tweak a boost.

Toothpicks are provided, but are available for paying customers only.

Beverages:

Variety, including ice water, orange juice, ice tea, soda, lemonade, coffee.

After dinner cigarette:

Any light cigarette will do, but the more adventurous diner may prefer a menthol, perhaps Benson & Hedges or Kool.

*Greasy rating:

2 spoon


*Greasy rating based on a scale of 5 spoons, five being the best . . . or the worst, depending on your point of view.