Late Night Eatery of the Month (August 2007)

It's common practice among members of the drinking public to hasten to the nearest eatery once the bars close. After all, the palette has been cleansed, and in fact flushed, all evening with a variety of liquors, beers, and wines, or any combination thereof. And it becomes imperative that the drinker take sustenance before either heading to a friend's house for more drinking, or going to bed to revel in the disco nap of restless, drunken sleep.

In my drive to be the boon companion of the itinerant drinker, I regularly visit the best and the worst of the late night eateries, and it's my mission to provide you each month with the particulars of each.

Some you will know by name. Some are obscure and out of the way. But with my recommendations, you will always know just where to stagger off to for good, sloppy power grub.


Rinderpest.com's late night eatery of the month:

Some guy named Larry's house.

Location:

Seems like it was in Midtown

Hours of operation:

24/7?

Ambiance:

Yuppy/geek bachelor. I followed a girl over from the bar, and recall flat screen TVs with video games being played on them, like any self-respecting arrested adolescent would have. A selection of popular music accompanies the after hours eaters, channeled from an iPod, though apparently 20-somethings are incapable of listening to a song in its entirety, as Larry hit shuffle on the iPod every 3 or 4 seconds. Much of the music is hardcore, ghetto rap, adding credence to the idea that white boys born after 1980 think they're black for some reason.

Seating:

Sectional with a recliner. Bean bag in the corner, and several barstools, though no discernible bar is present in the place.

Attire:

Whatever is comfortable, though the girls seem to become more and more naked the longer one stays.

Staff:

Lit up like a Roman candle. The cook and wait staff consist of a dude I don't know, claiming chef status. Much slurring comes from the kitchen, masking a MacGyver-like penchant for creating gourmet dishes out of things like bubble gum and some Chapstick.

Price:

Cheap. The only cost is having to put up with Larry's friends, who try to be disaffected and socially connected at the same time. The confusion with their lot in life can be entertaining, so be sure to have a happy buzz when you leave the bar. You'll laugh a lot at them, and maybe even make one of them cry with your apathy toward their station in life.

Fare:

Whatever Chef MacGyver can scare up. Dependent on whether the video gamers have gotten hungry at any point for anything other than Taco Bell and have actually made it to the market.

The Cajun fried eggs are exceptional, and the macaroni surprise will leave the adventurous late night diner with many smiles and just as many questions.

Dessert:

Red Bull and M&Ms, or the remnants of some Rice Krispie treats Larry's mom sent him. Apparently she thinks her arrested adolescent, yuppy, gamer, gangsta wannabe son is still at summer camp.

Toothpicks are provided, if you can find one in the sofa cushions.

Beverages:

Variety, including water, Red Bull, Mountain Dew, Yoohoo, and beer.

After dinner cigarette:

Any cigarette will do, though Larry and his pals are brand-loyal to Marlboro Lights, so if you have to bum one, that's what you're going to get.

*Greasy rating:

2 spoon


*Greasy rating based on a scale of 5 spoons, five being the best . . . or the worst, depending on your point of view.