Okay. My feet fell asleep, so I can post this before they wake back up.

This is a transcript of a morning workout:

Brain:   Ok, feet. Lets keep up the speed, here.

Feet:   We're tired.

R. Foot:   I hurt a bit.

Brain:   Well, let's just go to 2 and a half miles, then, and call it early.

R. Foot:   We've already passed that.

Brain:   No we haven't.

Feet:   The eyes are looking at the damn counter and it says 2.6 miles.

Brain:   Who are you going to believe -- my lying eyes or me?

Feet:   . . . (looking dubious)

Brain:   Remember all those optical illusions from last week the eyes looked at?

Feet:   Yes.

Brain:   Didn't the eyes try to convince you that those lines were equal length? And those colors were different shades?

Feet:   Well, yes.

Brain:   Aaannd?

L. Foot:   Well . . . they weren't.

Brain:   The eyes are filthy liars.

Eyes:   HEY.

Brain:   Quiet, you. Who actually told you all the truth about those illusions?

L. elbow:   Well, he's got a point.

Brain:   What did the eyes tell you we were all looking at in the mirror this morning?

All:   An old, fat guy.

Brain:   See? Liars. Total liars. We know we're young and attractive.

Stomach:   YEAH!

Knees:   Shut UP, stomach. You're the reason we're getting pounded here, lardo.

Feet:   You and the MOUTH. Can't it keep itself shut around a ho ho once in a while?

Mouth:   Hey - talk to the hands, 'cause the mouth ain't listening.

Hands:   What did WE do?

Feet:   Like you have to ask. Grabbing every damn donut in site and shoving it in. Bastards. We should be doing this on YOU, instead of US.

Knees:   Hey, we're getting a bit tired here.

Brain:   Not much longer.

Knees:   Yeah, we've heard that before. Why is it you jump to do everything the kidneys tell you, but we're always "not much longer"?

Feet:   And we're not even going to talk about dropping everything and doing everything that your pen-

Brain:   -Hey, would you look at that -- we've finished!

Click here to read Let Me Hear Your Body Talk (Part II).