The Steven has spent grueling hour after hour performing detailed searches on the interweb. And, after bookmarking all of the worthwhile porn sites where Sam's passwords still work, he had these links left over for you. The Steven, he thinks only of you, his devoted fans.

A Pig, a Fifth of Vodka, and Thou

http://www.wiscnews.com/archives/read.php?ref=bdc:2006:01:24:70006:LOCAL

Carl A. Z***, 42, is being charged with his fifth and sixth offenses of operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated. No field sobriety tests were performed, and according to the complaint, Z*** told the deputy, "I'm drunk, why do them?"

Points for honesty. Carl is a role model for young people and bacon-lovers everywhere.

When the deputy searched Z***'s vehicle, he found a pig in the backseat, an empty fifth of vodka, an unopened 12-pack of beer and an insulated cup.

Carl, man - if I had a nickel for every time I bailed out Tragic Monkey and his pig for this same story, Bill Gates would be my pool boy. Except TM's pig prefers Chivas and wears too much Brut.

So I am speaking from experience here: don't give up. I didn't want to break it to you, but the pig set you up - argue entrapment.

House Candidate Admits Former Work as Prostitute

http://chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/3666449.html

A Dallas Democrat seeking election to the Texas House of Representatives has acknowledged that he once worked as a prostitute.

It's sad to see a tragic fall like this. From male prostitute all the way down to Politician.

Still, I don't see why everyone is so upset. Nor do I think that this should disqualify him. In fact, I can think of no line of work that would better prepare someone to be a politician than prostitute. He'll still be taking money for performing exactly the same work.

There are only a few subtle differences that I can see. The new work will be legal, which is significant, but the candidate (working name "Todd Sharpe") must balance that against the complete and utter loss of his self-respect. As a man whore, he could rightfully hold his head high (assuming that posture was needed), but as a politician. . . .

What profiteth a man to gain the whole world, but lose his soul, "Todd"?

The whole world. . . but Plano, Texas?

Why Men Report More Sex Partners than Women

http://www.livescience.com/othernews/060217_partners.html

Most surveys about sex find impossibly that men have had far more partners than women, typically two to four times as many.

Either there are a bunch of phantom females out there, or somebody is lying.

The most amazing thing revealed by the study: apparently people get grants to actually study this. Thank goodness we have researchers who can finally confirm, once and for all, that men claim more sex partners than women. With this type of scientific sleuthing, can a manned mission to Mars be far off?

The women in this study reported this an average of 8.6 lifetime sexual partners, while the men claimed 31.9.

Ok. Damn. I mean I am really dragging the average down, whereas there must have been about 27 nuns in there to make up for Moxie Toxic. [I kid Moxie. I kid because I love, and because she is like eight states away and doesn't know my home address.]

All right, I will admit that at first glance, there does appear to be a slight discrepancy between the 8.6 and 31.9 numbers. But to immediately call someone a liar seems uncalled for.

This study immediately asked men and women if they were lying about their numbers and, just two minutes after reporting their number, many confessed they were.

Ok. Well maybe not uncalled for, exactly, but there is more at work here than simply lying. I have not looked deeply into the study, but I think that the participants are also using different definitions for sex.

For women, some things don't count as "really" having sex. For example, if you really weren't into the guy; or if you didn't really enjoy it; or if you had been drinking, and it wasn't a guy you normally would have looked twice at. So those don't count. And neither would anything that happened outside. So it isn't precisely lying, it is a question of definitions (What "is" is, to bring up the most obvious example of definitional problems about sex).

The methodology for the guys is a bit different. Having sex includes not only those things excluded by the women, but also any case where you might have been thinking about sex related to a girl. Indeed, using this figure 31.9 is more like an hourly average. The guy would include: girls who very nearly had sex with me; a girl who would have had sex with me if she hadn't 'accidentally' given the wrong phone number; Heather Locklear, because she would have if we had ever met; the girl where I got too drunk and spent the night vomiting; and Miss December - because sex was kind of involved there.