While summarizing classic television shows, often the true plots are ignored in favor of more viewer friendly versions. After all, the television audience is a delicate bunch, not equipt to handle the true nature of what they are watching.

I have decided it's time to reveal what the viewer guides don't about some of your favorite shows.

Frasier

A gripping drama about two gay men who pretend to be brothers in order to preserve their careers as a radio pet psychic and Baptist minister, respectively. They go so far as to hire an old guy to pretend to be their father, but the game is up when it becomes apparent that they're practically joined at the hip. Despite working with a sultry-voiced siren on the radio, Frasier never makes a single move on her, and his "brother" manages to acquire a mentally handicapped foreign housekeeper as a beard but only after ten years of trying. All in all, this show is a heartbreaking story of the effects of deception and betrayal. A funny dog adds comedic interest until he chokes to death in the third season.

The Nanny

A combination of two classic tales, "Pygmalion" and "Frankenstein". A mad scientist wagers his wealthy friend that he can use surgery and gene therapy to pass off a donkey as a woman. Things take a turn for the hilarious when the surgery works and it looks like a woman on the outside, but it still behaves like a braying jackass. With the help of his butler, the mad scientist attempts to train the donkey to behave in a civilized manner by exposing it to musical theater and letting it socialize with his children. Add in a wacky bimbo and some Jewish stereotypes, and you have a recipe for the kind of fun you'd expect to see four times a day on the Lifetime channel.

The Golden Girls

A mobster gets a sex change and retires to Florida with his mother in order to evade his former associates whom he betrayed. As cover, he moves in with two wacky roommates who are unsuspecting of his past. Will four little old ladies escape the murderous eyes of the Mafia? This gritty drama explores the psychological and spiritual aftereffects of a life of crime. Dorothy attempts to deal with his guilt for his numerous sins, while his mother lives in denial, refusing to accept that she raised such a monster. Unable to accept the truth, Sofia retreats into fantasy and comes to believe that Dorothy really is her school-teaching daughter. The characters of the roommates are fully three-dimensional, and side plots are devoted to such real-life tragic topics as Rose's battle with a degenerative butt disease and her drug addiction, and Blanche losing her career as a porn star as she ages into wrinkly unattractiveness.

Farscape

An attractive man flies around in space in tight pants. He does a lot of stuff, and there's shooting of lasers, and lots of puppets. I could say something about what an exciting and imaginative show it is, but the first sentence really captures the whole appeal right there. If you try to pay attention to the plot you'll be distracted wondering about the puppets. Do the people doing the voices also work the puppets, or are they in a sound booth? Do they get paid a lot less than the regular actors? Do they resemble the puppets in any way? I notice they don't get their names in the opening credits, although the puppets are shown...does that breed resentment? Do they hate the actors, or are they just glad they don't have to wear elaborate blue paint like the Smurf priestess or all that fancy face stuff on the "I'm Not A Klingon At All, Ignore The Similarities" Guy? Even if they don't pay as well, at least the puppet roles are something you could walk out of to get something for lunch during a break in taping. Can they bring the puppets with them, and have it order something at McDonald's? That would be funny!

Good Times

A hilarious sex comedy set in the ancient past, "Good Times" demonstrates that the seventies weren't as uptight and buttoned down as we think. Six or seven attractive singles live together in a palatial apartment, commenting on each other's romantic foibles and proving that true friendship means getting involved in your roommates' complicated love lives. The acting is excellent, although there is a distinct lack of any character actors. Despite the wacky situations they get into, the characters' personalities are rather bland and forgettable. The real genius of the show is the set and costume design. They've done an amazing job convincing the audience that the show was actually filmed in the seventies. Wide lapels, preponderance of orange and brown and yellow, vintage record players...it's like seeing backward in time! Even if you find their romantic escapades unrealistic, and they do tend to verge on the wacky, you'll love this show for the nostalgia value. Although I normally don't nitpick like this, I will just add that they could have made an effort to include at least one African-American character.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Another reality show. In this one, instead of grouping the young people together in a house and watching them fight each other, the camera follows the young people around as they start fights with rival gang members. The level of violence isn't so bad, as they edit out most of the worst bits, but it's somewhat chilling to hear them refer to their victims as not human. By dehumanizing their enemies, this gang of delinquents rationalizes away the savage beatings and even murders they commit on camera. Parents might want to steer their children away from this show because of the language, which is highly disturbing: as a result of their lack of education, the hoodlums invent torturous new ways to abuse the English language, which are both grating to the ears and, horribly, addictive. Grammar, much?